Thursday, April 9, 2009

This is a long one (that's what she said)...

I saw this on someone’s New Year resolution blog from December. I am addicted to resolutions and wish I had seen this before the beginning of the year, but since I didn’t, I’m declaring April 9, 2009 my official day of being resolute.

I will remember: The Bible always brings peace, my body is not who I am and there’s no point comparing my life’s trajectory to anyone else’s. I will remember that usually NOT saying the thing I most want to say is the best idea, unless it’s 100% positive and uplifting.

One place I will go: Australia, Thailand and Colorado are givens. I will go somewhere on the east coast.

One physical habit I will break: not keeping my skin hydrated.

One physical habit I will cultivate: getting a facial every once in a while.

One mental habit I will break: going to destructive places in my mind when I’m already down. I will not be overwhelmed by all bad things when only one bad thing is happening at a time.

One mental habit I will cultivate: making my initial thoughts and judgments about people, even strangers, ones of acceptance and love.

One relationship I will repair: Jackie.

One home repair I'll finally get around to: not a repair, but I will truly decorate and make my apartment in Colorado a home, even though I’ll only be there 6 months. This includes hanging pictures, getting furniture of my choice and having fresh flowers.

One work habit I will change: i won't continue feeling intimidated by people I’ve never even met.

One thing I'll throw out: not throw out, but give away old art supplies to my mom’s school, and donate all old clothes and shoes to charity.

One thing I'll eat more often: vegetables. I’m getting there.

One thing I'll eat less of: ice cream. (I’m in love with sorbet right now)

One thing I'll drink more: white tea, different types of beer and wheat grass

One thing I'll drink less: already gave up diet coke/coke zero…

One overdue e-mail I'll send, or overdue phone call I'll make: my brothers

One person I'll treat more respectfully: people I’ve spoken about negatively

One thing I'll spend less money on: eating out in general. I love to cook; I need to do it more
One change I'll make in my finances: finding a good charity that I can 100% get behind, besides Mars Hill Church– sponsoring a child?

One thing I'll spend less time doing: thinking of relationship-damaging “what ifs” or “I wish”-es. This pertains to all my relationships. Watching TV.

Something I'll spend more time doing: studying history and politics. Reading constructive
books. Reading whatever kind of books I want. Everyone says this: working out. Praying.

One resolution I've made before but will honor this time: be in better contact with my brothers and their girlfriends/fiancés. Limiting stress-eating.

I gained: 2 new continents, a wider horizon and a man who knows me better than anyone ever has.

I lost: wondering what would happen if the past reappeared. I lost college, and am so glad to see it go. I lost the responsibility - burden - of carrying an organization that beat me down in every way. I lost a body that I used to work relentlessly on, and I’ve gained four abdomen scars and a neglected body.

I stopped: being so concerned about having to know if he’s “the one” this instant. I stopped worrying what people thought of us.

I started: eating more vegetables, a new job, wearing heels all the time and cooking as much as possible. I started to realize that people look up to me because I’m not a pup anymore; I’m growing, maybe grown, up.

I was hugely satisfied with: my job and the prospects for the future, the fact that I am paying off my student loans quickly and my living situation. Hugely satisfied with the people I work with.

I was frustrated by: Sigma Phi Lambda. Consumed by frustration with them. I was frustrated by Charlie’s friends….really just that one who was so good at making me feel so bad. By 5 years of college, by the futility of college, by the politics of college. I was frustrated by not being able to find a job, and more than that, not even wanting a job.

I am embarrassed that: 70 girls, of which I only talk to 4 now, can have such a large impact on my relationship with Jesus. I’m embarrassed that Charlie and I have broken up probably 20 times, and reconciled most of the time the same day! I’m embarrassed by cellulite.

Once again, I did: seek out information about a boy who is long gone, only because I really wanted to hurt myself. I did separate myself from people that truly love me because I was scared.

Once again, I did not: speak only good things about everyone. Read my Bible enough.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is: my hair is longer and my cool, tribal-looking scars.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is: there’s no wondering or what-ifing associated with bad-news boy anymore. There is curiosity about what it will take in my husband to keep me balanced and challenged. I know I can hack it in new situations, countries and companies. Last April I was itching with discontentment, bitterness and tunnel vision. Today, I’m optimistic. I’m in love with life.

I love spending time: being with my parents and brothers and their significant others, reading, watching and talking about LOST, exercising and musing.

I should have spent more time: with my parents and brothers and their significant others, reading, exercising and musing. I should have spent more time being patient and quiet. Playing soccer and riding bikes with Charlie.
I regret buying: overpriced food and drinks.

I will never regret buying: the cowboy boots I’m about to buy.

I _____ way too much: complain, watch tv, self-destruct, sleep, binge…

I didn't _____ enough: laugh, challenge myself, listen, look, paint…

My _____ drove me crazy: enemies, future…

The most relaxing place I went was: Charlie’s room , my room, Blair’s room, Sara’s room, anywhere with Lauren and/or Courtney, our Port A pad, Lightstone, our roadtrip, Colorado

Why did I go: anywhere where I didn’t want to go?

The best thing I did for someone else was: pray and listen. Encourage. Be patient, accepting and non-judgmental.

The best thing I did for myself was: get out and calm down. Going to Colorado, going on the roadtrip. Meet with Lisa about working for NOV. Giving Charlie a chance to give me a chance before I decided he should write me out of his life.

The best thing someone did for me was: pray and not judge.

1 comment:

  1. you are amazing :)
    i havent the words
    thank you for sharing
    <3 lolo