Monday, April 27, 2009


I've been overwhelmed in the last few weeks.

Personal life - Charlie's moving to Colorado next week. We've spent a large part of our relationship apart, so I'm not sure why I'm so upset about this transition, but I have been tearing myself up. Truthfully the distance, the obstacles that come with distance and the unity that comes with distance is a refreshing relationship detox, and it's a challenge I need. It's hard for me to keep idols out of my life, especially when it comes to the people I love most. It's hard not to seek them first, ask them first, want their advice first, crave their love first...but these loved ones weren't meant to be first. My Love is supposed to be first. So as I struggle through releasing this crazy grip on Charlie, I'm strengthened knowing that this is all part of God's plan to draw me back home, to his arms, to his love. And we say Thanks and Amen, Jesus.

I've been struggling with anger a lot recently. Anger, impatience, rudeness...a lot of really ugly qualities that I hate and don't want in my heart. I've been quick to anger and harsh with my thoughts and words. Things like this sneak up on me and leave me disliking myself more than anyone I'm directing these terrible emotions toward. No more, please. Let's end it.

I'm almost 24 - can I freak out about this? What have I done with my life that's worthwhile? This is a hard question. What do I WANT to do with my life that's worthwhile? Even harder.

Rain is coming this afternoon. A reflection of the state of my heart, perhaps?

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