Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Back and Forth...and Back

Our house in San Antonio is being leased, so we are doing a dizzy dance trying to move and shuffle our stuff around. Some into storage, some to Ray and Katie's, other to Houston for good, the rest to Houston temporarily. I'm so sick of I10.

On top of this, I'm getting my annual bout of strep throat. Not a happy camper right here.

Anyways, just wanted to drop in before I got so far behind that I couldn't catch up. My rotation in Houston is rapidly drawing to a close, and good things are in the near future.

Anyways, my brain feels overwhelmed with complaints and discontentment, so I'll let this post go for now.

Optimistic days ahead? I mean...!

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Having not watched a single episode of this season of American Idol, I thought the finale would be a good place to start. Little did I know I was sitting down to the Adam Lambert show. Without a doubt, his voice is outrageously good. I felt my inner diva belting right along with him every time he sang. But also, in my opinion, there’s no question that Kris should have been the winner, and I’m glad the votes agreed with me. Apart from Kris’s voice, looks and talents, the fact that the show was so obviously biased towards Lambert made Kris’s win all the more exciting.

Remind me, please, why I’m not constantly on-my-face-grateful for my life. Some people, like my mom, are not circumstantially happy. She is just happy all the time. She is unaffected by the little things all the time. I’m not there yet, but I’m working towards that kind of contentment and security because it is truly one of the most inspiring, refreshing dispositions I’ve ever known.

Today, I’m happy because of the circumstances. Things are undeniably good this week. Rather than beat myself up for knowing that I wouldn’t be in this great of a mood if the week had gone differently, I’m going to be thankful and spread the love. I got to be Kris Allen this week, the one who walked away with ultimate joy and giddiness, even though sometimes it seems like we’re performing in a show designed for someone else. Maybe it’s using my God-given ability, flashing a smile and staying humble that makes the confetti fall and stars shine in my brief episode of life.

And blaring Queen every once in a while probably couldn't hurt either....

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

To be Read and Re-Read

When our starting point is a place of gratitude, we have already won before we begin. –Kristen Armstrong

Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience. Emerson

Only those who risk going too far can possibly know how far they can go. Eliot

Isn’t it great how certain people can elicit our improvement simply by their presence? – KA

One act of beneficence, one act of real usefulness, is worth all the abstract sentiment in the world. Ann Radcliffe.

Yesterday afternoon and today have been hard. I took a shower after I got home from the gym yesterday, got in bed, and stayed there until I went to sleep. Today has gone pretty quickly, but the weight of missing my best friend is heavier than usual, making my routine feel cumbersome and uninspiring.

Fortunately, God is gracious, and He brought me across these quotes throughout the day. What a treasure trove of words!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Today, I'm a list person.

1. Running 3 miles today. I've been mentally preparing for most of the day. Okay, okay - I realize running 3 miles isn't a big deal. "Real" runners do it all the time. Me, I'm still in the poser runner phase, so the mileage is tracked and re-tracked like a much loved vehicle. My feeble brain hopes that thinking about running 3 miles will transition seamlessly into running 3 miles without so much as a trickle of sweat. Oh, delusion, my closest friend!

2. On the heels of #1 is my new addiction: There is one particular columnist, Kristin Armstrong, whose union of running and zen living is better than a whole batch of
chocolate fudge brownies.

3. I want a garden. Correction: I want to build and tend to a vegetable garden. And then I want to eat the fruits of my labor!

4. I'm ready - beyond ready - to move to Colorado. I'm really only in Houston for another 3 weeks, not counting the two weeks I'll be in Thailand.

5. We're growing up, always. "It's not what you do once in a while that makes a difference; it's what you do day in and day out."

6. Tried a new recipe last night from the cookbook Chas gave me. Chicken Piccata! Mmmm.

7. Can't wait to see my girls this weekend. :)

8. It feels so good, so enlivening, to GIVE. Give compliments, give hugs, give a smile, laughter, gifts, food, freedom of expression -- it feels like my innermost spirit, where my precious Jesus lives, to give.

Monday, May 18, 2009


The trip to Thailand is on! Bought my tickets today. June 11-25. Hopefully the country won't erupt in bloody violence this time!

Thank you, Jesus, for Thailand!

Friday, May 15, 2009


This is a wimpy thing to admit, yet I’m extremely proud: I ran 3 miles straight yesterday! It’s nothing to write home about, but it was a personal victory because I’ve never done that before, and because by the time I was done with mile 2, I felt like there was no way I’d make it to mile 3.

See, I have a problem finishing things. It stems from a fear of commitment; the thought of signing up for something and then following through 100% is an almost impossible task for me. It’s a character flaw, I know, and one of the ways I’m working through it is exercise. Though it may seem like the babiest of baby steps, being able to run through that last mile is an accomplishment worth recording, and it gives me hope for other commitments I want to someday make and then follow through on.

So here comes the new goal: half marathon training. I’m not pledging to actually do a half-marathon (yet), but I’ve got my training schedule all printed out and I plan to follow it. Got some new Asics yesterday for additional motivation.

Another exciting thing is that the trip to Thailand is back on, and unless something goes awry, I’ll be booking my flight/hotel next week! Can’t wait! The end of this rotation is rapidly coming to an end, and then it’s off to Colorado!

Our Verse

1 Peter 2:23-24

When they hurled insults at him,
he did not retaliate;
when he suffered,
he made no threats.


He entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness:

by his wounds you have been healed!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I'm ready to travel again. That's pretty much it.

I've committed myself to work out every day for the next 30 days. I'm on day 3, already regretting my decision, trying to muscle my way through. It doesn't have to be long or even intensive, but I need to elevate my heart rate at least once a day for at least 30 minutes for 27 more days. Sigh.

I want to be Helen, from the Biggest Loser, minus the old woman skin.

Again, that's pretty much it. I'm reading Outliers - very, very good. I'm also reading Amos, and it's very, very good.

LOST season finale tonight!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Nothing new

San Antonio this weekend. This will be my first time back at the house since before Australia (I think). My parents are getting it ready to be leased, so I’m mentally preparing myself for a house that looks muted, generic and pristine – not words I’d use to describe the house I “grew up” in. While still being super clean, our house never felt sterile. There was a richness and depth to every corner in the home. Tonight when I pull up to Lightstone, I feel like I’ll be stepping into a place that already belongs to someone else.

I’m also bummed because Charlie’s not here to explore the weekend with me. Lame.

Books I can’t wait to read:
The Outliers (got it for my birthday, woo!), Malcolm Gladwell
Black Swan, Nassim Nicholas Taleb
The Innovator's Dilemma, Clayton Christensen
None of these are on my “For Fun” reading list, although they will be fun to read, if that makes sense.

Nothing new to report – I’m ready for the mountains. I’m ready for the summer in Colorado, for the winter in Colorado. I’m ready to not be 24, but there’s no regression I hear. I hate that quote – youth is wasted on the young. I’m not even sure that’s how it goes but I’m too lazy to google it right now. I hate the quote because it’s so true.

I can feel myself standing on the edge of a quarter-life crisis. Big time.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Journaling is empowering. Writing your feelings, seeing your emotions – it’s cathartic. Last night, starting a new journal after almost a year of keeping an electronic (read: MS Word) journal made me a little overly excited and bold. I spoke out. It was a good thing. I spend significant amounts of energy trying to be non-confrontational, but it was important to me on principle that he know he cannot use me, in any way, shape or form. It was scary, I cried, I talked to Charlie and then I wrote like I haven’t written in a while. God, what a beautiful night.

It’s a new day now, and my yellow journal sits with me even at work.

Tomorrow is my 24th birthday. Where has 2009 gone, and how in the world can Ray be turning 26 next month? How is Paul 22 in June (especially since I’m still supposed to be 22)? Ohh I don’t handle aging gracefully at all. Tomorrow I’ll probably cry more than I laugh, but this happens on every birthday, family member’s birthday, major holidays, beautiful days, boring days…I’m a crier. What can I say?

Right now Charlie is way up in the mountains of Colorado, still driving to Steamboat Lake State Park. He says little snow flurries are hitting his windshield; it’s snowing! I couldn’t be happier for that man, and I couldn’t miss him any more. Colorado is...there’s not even a word. It’s magic.

Tonight is the Biggest Loser finale! I don’t care who wins just as long as it’s not Tara….although who’s gonna beat her, really? No one.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Summer of Love

I’ve been meditating on 1 Cor. 13 lately. It’s the love chapter, and I hadn’t focused on it for the majority of my life because I was scared of realizing I’m not a good lover. Yes, my first line of defense is denial – if I don’t see my weaknesses, they must not be there, right? I don’t mean a lover as in “bow chicka wow wow” lover either; I mean someone who loves and cares for and needs healthy, fulfilling relationships in her life, male or female.

Turns out I was right to never sit down and think about this chapter because it turns out I’m a lousy lover.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always

This is only part of the chapter, but it’s the most famous. Honestly, I’m not good at any of these things. Sad, huh? But something beautiful happens when you’re made aware of your imperfections by someone who truly does love you, that is, someone who IS patient, who IS kind, who DOESN’T envy or boast, who IS NOT PROUD.

Makes me misty-eyed to even think about such love, a Mr. Verse 5, if you will.

And now he’s gone to Colorado to grace another part of the world with his love. I hope Steamboat Lake enchants him like it did me, and I hope the sadness of being apart bears fruit within us that protects our hearts, trusts His word, hopes in our best futures and perseveres towards our One True Love.

Until then, ice cream and crying, baby.