Journaling is empowering. Writing your feelings, seeing your emotions – it’s cathartic. Last night, starting a new journal after almost a year of keeping an electronic (read: MS Word) journal made me a little overly excited and bold. I spoke out. It was a good thing. I spend significant amounts of energy trying to be non-confrontational, but it was important to me on principle that he know he cannot use me, in any way, shape or form. It was scary, I cried, I talked to Charlie and then I wrote like I haven’t written in a while. God, what a beautiful night.
It’s a new day now, and my yellow journal sits with me even at work.
Tomorrow is my 24th birthday. Where has 2009 gone, and how in the world can Ray be turning 26 next month? How is Paul 22 in June (especially since I’m still supposed to be 22)? Ohh I don’t handle aging gracefully at all. Tomorrow I’ll probably cry more than I laugh, but this happens on every birthday, family member’s birthday, major holidays, beautiful days, boring days…I’m a crier. What can I say?
Right now Charlie is way up in the mountains of Colorado, still driving to Steamboat Lake State Park. He says little snow flurries are hitting his windshield; it’s snowing! I couldn’t be happier for that man, and I couldn’t miss him any more. Colorado is...there’s not even a word. It’s magic.
Tonight is the Biggest Loser finale! I don’t care who wins just as long as it’s not Tara….although who’s gonna beat her, really? No one.