The Five

I've been focusing all my emotional efforts recently into being a sane person. 

Do y’all ever go through times when that seems like an almost insurmountable task? Like, you know you’re on the verge of just being a normal, content, fulfilled person, but that edge is driving you insane. That is me. That is my life.

So I’ve been journaling like mad. I am an indiscriminate journaler. I will journal on any piece of paper, napkin, gum wrapper or old box I can scrawl on. I’ve been very specific about what I write, too. I’ve given myself parameters so I won’t even waste any time journaling thoughts I’m trying to get rid of anyway.

I journal “The Five” and “His Five.”

“The Five” are the five things I’m most grateful for that day. They can be ANYTHING. This morning I journaled that I was thankful Benny’s leg wasn’t permanently damaged when I accidentally shut it in a door yesterday. I journaled that because I’m SERIOUSLY thankful Benny’s leg wasn’t permanently damaged when I accidentally shut it in a door yesterday. (By the way, damn that dog is a drama queen.)

“His Five” are the five things I’m most grateful for about Noel that day. This list can also contain anything. I journaled this morning that I’m thankful he has good hair. Don’t judge my list. I said I can journal whatever I want.

Anyway, this is all in an attempt to slow down and appreciate everything I have, which is enough. I am tired of always wanting. I want to not want anymore. Journaling helps me refocus and literally see the things I have that make me most happy on a daily basis.

I also journaled that I was thankful for sparkling shiraz while watching “Something’s Gotta Give.”

Don’t judge my list I said!

Dreamy

He seriously is the best man ever. :)

Swingin'

Getting back in the swing of things is never easy. Ever. Sometimes the idea of it is fun, til you realize the idea is much different than the reality.

Still, I find myself ever-attempting to get back into the swing of things, even if I haven’t been on that swing since…college? Since I had summers off and only went to school 4 days a week for 4 hours at a time?

…Actually, I can guarantee that most of them time when I think about getting back into a set routine, that routine never even existed in the first place.  

I was a lot more active about 4 years ago because I had a lot more time on my hands. I cooked a lot more. I slept a lot more. I hung out with friends A LOT more.

The saying is true – so much to do, so little time. I can’t tell you how many times a day I wish I had more time in a day.

I want to work, hard. I want to be known as someone who gets stuff done, and who gets things taken care of. I want to get to work early and leave work late. (Is anyone else hearing “Short Skirt/Long Jacket” by Cake in their heads right now?)

I want to be a machine in the gym and on the track. I want to alternate between looking like a Victoria’s Secret swimsuit model and Jillian Michael’s at her most ripped. I want to run 50 miles a week and do yoga every day. In fact, I’d really like to be a fitness instructor and maybe a personal trainer and how bout a life coach as well?

I want to be best friends with everyone. I want to go to happy hours every day, have long brunches every Saturday and Sunday. I want to host birthday parties and showers. I want to buy all my people lots and lots of presents.

And I want to be the best girlfriend to my best boyfriend every hour, of every second, of every last day.

But, this just isn’t reality. As much as I want THIS all to be my swing, it’s not manageable. Things have to get dropped, people’s parties have to get skipped, money has to be saved, nights of rest have to replace nights of running, and yoga just never, ever gets done.

So what IS the swing I’m trying to get in to? What IS manageable?

I can work, hard, during the hours of work.

I can run, for an hour, a few times a week. I can lift weights and spin a couple other times a week. Yoga…still probably won’t get done.

I can hang out with friends a few times a week. I can see my boyfriend a few times a week. I can give 100% of me to these outings/innings because these are the people who revive and refresh my spirit. I can “show up,” not dial it in, not let the complaints and annoyances of every day life (Traffic? Weariness?) even come up in conversation. I can save my best for my loved ones.

I can focus on contentment. I can believe that “Gratitude turns everything I have into enough.” I don’t have it all, I don’t have enough time, but I have enough time to make my days and my weeks exactly as they should be.

Gratitude and contentment. These are the swings I’m getting back into…or maybe just really getting into for the first time ever.