"Someday" Never Comes

There's no title for this post.

I fell off the bandwagon in a bad, bad way. I haven't kept "plugged in" to anything the past couple months - facebook, personal email, blogging. Sometimes a little distance is a good thing; other times, it's just running away. A new toy (yes, I hold a Blackberry to my ear several times a day now) has switched me back on, though, and hopefully joining the 21st century of technology will keep me accountable to staying in touch with loved ones around the country and world.

Colorado is the centerfold of the United States; it's the golden, basted turkey on the Thanksgiving table. I have loved the past 2-1/2 months here. I have til the end of December and then it's most likely back to Houston with the likes of me.

My time here has been strategically divided between Parachute (where my apartment is), Rifle (where I work), Steamboat Lake (where Charlie works) and my kitchen/couch. I've read scores of great books and watched way too much Bravo. Charlie and I honed our ping pong skills and dabbled in pool and shuffleboard as often as possible. And we cooked. Cooked a lot.

What I haven't done here is grow as much as I wanted. Along with commitment issues, it's becoming increasingly more difficult for me to focus on myself in positive ways. I took stock of my inner dialogue and words said aloud about myself, and it's shameful. I would never talk to anyone the way I do to myself; I'd never neglect anyone the way I do myself. Something's gotta give.

Have you told yourself "I love you?" lately? It's way harder than it should be.